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QAQAQ 3: Shall I Give Up my Current Boyfriend to Give Way to Another?

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QAQAQ is a Sunday post by Xio Ruth where she offers solutions to people's dilemma. Talk about your problem and read what it's all about here.


Situation: My boyfriend used to be my best friend. Not that he's not my best friend anymore but our relationship has developed from best friendship to a romantic relationship. Not only is he my best friend but we're childhood friends. I knew him since we were introduced at kindergarten. He lives right across our house and we grew very close growing up. He's been courting me for 3 years before I finally agreed to the relationship. Now, here's my problem: We're both freshman in college at different Universities. He'd call each night to ask about my day. While that would sound sweet, I find him annoying already. I have things to worry about in school and he'd bother me with his calls while I'm studying. Going to college, I never missed him. To get things worst, I met a guy whom I think I'm really attracted with. He's not a classmate, not even from the same building. But he's staying at the Men's dormitory right across ours. The reason why I could say that I'm really attracted with this guy is because I've never had sex with my boyfriend. I just never went that route. I've read your previous qaqaq and I just thought that I understand what you're saying. Not that I have a religious belief that I'm not giving up my virginity. In fact, I'm an atheist. We don't have religion back at home. Anyway, it's just that every time I'm around with this guy, I'm just so aroused. And the thing is, even if I have a boyfriend, I'm not even guilty. What will I do? My boyfriend really worked hard to get me. And now that I'm his, I'm liking someone else.

You have a tendency to like a guy across from where you live, don't you? First of all, I don't know how long you've been in a relationship. I would have said something nasty like you're just developing into a typical bitch until I read that you've never had sex with your boyfriend. The way I see it, you only pity your best friend that's why you agreed to be his girlfriend. Sympathy does not equal to Attraction. Attraction does not equal to love but it does to falling in love. Love is unconditional and selfless. If you don't think about your attraction with another guy (or your own happiness), and you just think about the welfare of your boyfriend, then I could say that you are loving. But if you care about your happiness, then you should break free from what I see now is a prison kind of relationship. I don't know what kind of guy your boyfriend is. But seeing that he has not 'broken your will' (following after the previous qaqaq), then he must be a gentle and respectful guy. And being that he's a gentle guy then he must be understanding. He'd understand if you break up with him.

I have no idea where you met him. Did you just ran into him on the way to the dormitory (you take the same road)? Did you meet him at a party? Is he the bad boy type? IS HE HITTING ON YOU? It's not that there's no point in breaking up with your boyfriend if you're not going to be with this guy that you like anyway. It's just that I'm trying to gauge your feelings. You see, it's not healthy if you stick up with a relationship that only irritates you. Even if after the breakup this other guy won't be your boyfriend, there's a relief to be liberated from a relationship that goes nowhere. Sometimes, for arranged marriage, love develops. But seeing that you grew up with your best-friend-turned-boyfriend and I could say that you're never attracted to him, then it's suffice to say that romantic love will never bud in your current relationship. On your side at least. If you stay with your current boyfriend, you will have conflicting emotions on the long run and you will regret it. You'll be thinking about the 'What ifs' and I'm sure you won't be genuinely happy.

As you're still a freshman, I would like to say that you better focus on your studies. As your boyfriend is bothering you in your time of study, then he's a nuisance in your study and therefore, he's not a good influence to your academics. Now I'd say it's okay to severe your relationship with your current boyfriend. As for the other guy, know him well first. You might do something foolish but I know you're careful. What I can say is: Don't do something you will regret later on.

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